Thursday, May 10, 2007

Dear Dr. Oblivioso,

My boyfriend and I have been together for a couple
of years, and we decided to move in together. We even went so far as to get a
new apartment with more space and all, but he still hasn't moved in, and he
keeps putting off talking about it. What can I do to get him to move in?


Worried in Wisconsin


Dear Worried,

As my Uncle Ernesto used to say,
"un cocina gato la sopa no hace"

Which rougly translates to a cat in the kitchen does not make soup.

We always used to think that Uncle Ernesto was very wise because of his cryptic sayings until he started taking off his pants while grocery shopping and telling women that he was a bowling pin, then we discovered he was just crazy. Nevertheless, his words here have a ring of truth to them.
Your boyfriend is stalling. It's very likely that he is afraid of the big step of moving in together because it means the loss of his freedom as a man. The loss of "his own" place is a loss of control over his life, and as much as he wants to be with you, he isn't ready to step into that committment.
As much as you want to make him move in, there is really very little that you can do that wouldn't come across as being manipulative, which would just frighten him away even more. My suggestion is that you either continue to be patient and wait for him, or stop waiting and dump his ass and get on with your life.
You could also burn his house down so he'd have to move someplace else, but that could be troublesome in your future.

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